Off Duty

I hope I don’t become a single parent any time soon.

The good news is that, overall, everyone is doing better. Mouse’s stomach bug only lasted one day and thankfully it didn’t pass to anyone else, that we know of. She’s back to her sassy self, so yeah, we’re good there. Hubster has been a bit slower to recover, but is feeling much better today. The antibiotics are kicking in and all the nasal spraying, hot compressing and sleeping he’s been doing the last few days is certainly clearing up what has been one of the worst sinus infections he’s had to date.

It’s been a long weekend for me. Lots of non-stop care, puke clean up, laundry washing, snack preparation, fluid pushing, tv show changing, hand washing, medicine giving, late night trips to Walmart for medication, worrying, entertaining of little ones, including one sick little one while Hubster has been out of commission. And considering that hormonally, I’m not exactly at my peak for patience, I’m surprised I haven’t completely lost it. Let’s just say, I’m relieved it’s bedtime. I’ve always had a huge respect for people who are single parents but I have an even bigger respect after a weekend like this. It’s HARD to do it all yourself.

Hubster has really been sick and I don’t begrudge him that. He’s NEEDED to sleep and this time it’s taken 4 days for him to feel better. He really wouldn’t have been much help to me in his condition. And he really does need to get better to get back to work and earn the moolah that keeps us in such fine shape. However, it’s funny; I think for most Moms, to be completely out of commission– as in only functional for a combined total of 1.5 hours a day for 3 days in a row without lying in a hospital bed or recovering from surgery – is unheard of. I think there’s some law against that somewhere. Maybe your mileage varies. My experience has been that I can really only be really sick for about a day, and I pray that it’s on a weekend, where I can sleep and rest and then I’m expected to be functional enough to help with kids, direct traffic, be present at meals and generally keep the house running. Even if I’m still feeling crappy, MOM is needed. Period. There are no sick days. I think most of the time it’s sheer willpower that helps me to get over being sick a bit faster or maybe to deny it because the cost of being sick is too high. There’s lots of lip service paid to the whole “you should take better care of yourself” but there aren’t many systems in place to help Mom’s accomplish this. There’s also the expectation in our society of Mom being on duty all the time and God help her if her kids don’t come first. So, taking care of yourself FIRST is almost a taboo. We all WANT to do it, we all THINK about doing it and yet, no one wants to really do it because we’re afraid of the backlash we might receive if we aren’t tending to our families the whole time. I’ve seen the disdain and heard the nasty comments people make about other Mom’s when they’re doing what they need to do for THEMSELVES and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of that. I personally am all in favor of Moms’ doing for themselves, but I have a hard time allowing myself the same privilege.
I struggle with this endlessly. I can’t find the balance. Often, when I try to take time for myself, there always seems to be a price to “pay” – getting behind on something, having to come home to more work or cranky behavior that makes coming home a bigger pain in the ass and negates the whole point of getting away. Many days, I’d love to find some time to go and hide, retreat to my cave for even ½ an hour to read my book, write or nap and yet, there’s always another load of laundry, something to put away, something to get ready for tomorrow. And unfortunately, it’ll still be there tomorrow, so I might as well do it today. And yet, I know when I need some time alone/away because I’m being a total nasty bitch to be around. But, what to do? Sometimes it’s hard to know.

Anyway, all of that is to say, that I’m off nurse duty, off Mom duty for tonight and thank goodness because I’m crankier than a bear right now. I’m tired, worn out, bloated and PMSing and frankly, that’s not a good combination. I’ve got a very busy week ahead of me with meetings, appointments, classes, a bunch of service phone calls to make and work for the school to do and I have got to get a chill going on here so I can function this week. So I’m off to chill and hopefully get some rest.