Feels Like Home

It’s been a while since I’ve done Pilates seriously. I quit teaching about the time Mouse turned 2. At the time, I ended up falling into a job where I could do some computer work from home and make pretty good money. Despite my reservations, it was too good of an opportunity to pass up and while I was sad to give up my classes; they really were stagnating and I wasn’t sure where else to go with them.

Though the company I worked for was great and I stuck with the job for about 6 months, I really didn’t enjoy the work. Then I got pregnant with Baboo and decided that there was no way I could juggle it all. I had been miserably sick for the first few months of my pregnancy and really needed time to recoup my energy, get Mouse in gear for the arrival of a new baby and to get the house sorted out.

Now that we’re pretty much settled into our new place, I’ve been struggling with trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be “doing”. I’ve been trying to help contribute financially to our household income, but do not want to work outside the home as both Hubster and I feel strongly that our girls come first. My first post for this blog was about trying to find a way to make some money – and since this blog isn’t exactly sending me a nice, fat check every month (yet! I’m going to figure that out!) I had a brain wave to use the cavernous and empty living room and dining room that we can’t afford to furnish right now to teach Pilates classes. I wrote up a few fliers, put them in the mailboxes of the people at Mouse’s school and waited. Nothing happened. I was disheartened until another parent expressed interest and mentioned that she wasn’t sure it was me offering the classes. After I sent out an email to our group, the 2 classes that I’m offering right now are nearly full and I have a “waiting” list for one of them.

I haven’t taught a Pilates class since I quit teaching in 2006 and really haven’t done Pilates very seriously since then either. I have done some on my own as part of my exercise routine – when I’m actually sticking to one but I’ve really fallen off the wagon (reformer?). Don't I sound like a convincing instructor?? Oy! I’ve been worried that I’ll forget what to do and am too fat and out of shape to be able to do it properly for myself; never mind teach it to others.

I’m nervous about teaching these classes to people that I will encounter in other parts of my life. I want to teach well and offer quality classes. If the classes suck, I still have to face these people on a regular basis; I won’t be able to hide out somewhere and pretend I never knew them.

However, despite my reservations, overall, I’m excited to be teaching again. I really believe in Pilates. It’s become a part of my soul and has been my go-to tool for many years. I started by taking a few classes through a community program where I met the instructors who later opened their own studio to teach a broader range of classes and eventually, I trained with them to become an instructor. After meeting these wonderful, grounded, kind people AND being introduced to the reformer, I was hooked. I couldn’t get enough and wanted to learn and do more! From the beginning I felt like THIS was what I was meant to "DO"!

Not only did I get in excellent shape and learn an entirely different and healthy way of living, but Pilates was also the exercise that saved me from sinking into the void when my step-daughter died. It was the outlet for my grief; I literally ‘worked’ it out of my system. Then I used Pilates to prepare myself for the birth of Mouse and to work though the anxiety of quitting my “job” to be an at home Mom. By becoming an instructor, I was able to have a way to earn some money by teaching classes on my own schedule and it allowed me the freedom to have Mouse with me pretty much all the time. It’s always been a joy to teach and share something that I love and believe in so strongly. It never feels like “work”.

So, the last few days, I’ve been getting my living room/dining room ready for classes. I’ve been reviewing my notes, going through some old routines, reminiscing and remembering that phase in my life when Pilates was such a huge part of who I was. I’m letting my body remember what it loved to do and it’s surprising me with how much it remembers. I’m realizing how much I’ve missed this.

My head feels ready, my space feels ready, my soul is starting to feel some peace creeping in and my body; it feels like it’s coming home.