Bittersweet

*Something funny: I wrote this post a few days ago and was waiting to post it. However, yesterday while talking to my Mum on the phone (who didn’t know about this entry) we had a very similar conversation about weaning because she asked me how it was going. Sorry, Mum – it’ll be a bit of déjà vu for you - but I seriously didn't just write up our conversation. We’ve got a strong mind-link. Oy. Haha*

I have just weaned my youngest daughter, Baboo. Yes, she’s 20 months. Yes, she’s nursed this long. I know; it’s freaky. I’ve actually been nursing for 4.5 years STRAIGHT. (This is that whole “left of normal” thing I was talking about).

Overall, the process was relatively painless. We had one day where she cried at nap time because she wanted “mamas” but other than that, she hasn’t asked. I guess we were both ready.

In contrast, I nursed Mouse until she was 3. I tandem nursed the girls (both at the same time) for just over 2 months. It was tough - the tandem nursing and the weaning.

We “agreed”, as much as you can get a 3 year old to agree to something, to wean just after her third birthday. She cried for days, despite us talking about it and preparing for it. I wrestled with my conscience over whether I did the right thing or not. In my mind I was ready for her to be done nursing, but she obviously still wanted it. I read a lot and thought about it and knew that if it wasn’t working for both of us AND she wasn’t a little baby any more, then it was time. It has really hard. I can remember going over to a friend’s house a few weeks after our relatively rocky weaning process. We had been playing outside and Mouse stayed with my friend while I went inside for something. When I came back, my friend told me that Mouse had relayed to her the story of her weaning, but she ended it by happily yelling “I’m big now! I don’t have “nee” any more. Yay! Yay!”. And then finally, that was that.

My girls were very different nursers. Mouse nursed almost constantly from the time she was born until she was 3. And when she wasn’t nursing, she was asking for it. She was a big comfort nurser. We never got onto any kind of schedule (not that I’m big on scheduling nursing) or even routine.

Baboo just got down to business, nursed as fast and as hard as she could, then popped off , ready to move on to other things. As she got older, we just fell into a routine with nursing and that seemed to suit her just fine.

I know we were both ready to wean and that we were hanging onto it a bit because it was comfortable and familiar and yeah, ok, when I put Baboo down for a nap it meant I got to sit down, with quiet and my book for 15 minutes. And I admit I wanted to hang onto my “baby” for a little bit longer. She seems to have grown up so fast.

I'm really proud of myself for not going into nursing with any expectations. I didn’t’ know how long Mouse would nurse and didn’t really care. I’m proud of myself for being brave enough to tandem nurse for a while. I’m proud of myself for not feeling as though I had to keep things “equal” and for trusting that I would recognize what my girls needed and when. I’m very happy to have had such unfailing support from my family and friends, despite marching to the beat of a different drum and to have had access to a fantastic and knowledgeable group of people I could talk to about nursing. Especially freakishly long nursing. I didn't feel like a freak with them. (thank you One Hot Mama discussion!)

It’s a bittersweet time for me. I’m feeling nostalgic as Baboo is likely my last baby. To know that I won’t be nursing any more babies, which really has been a special thing, makes me feel a bit sad. But at the same time, I’m happy to know that they nursed a long time with no regrets, my girls are happy and healthy and though I “say” sometimes I’d like them to be babies again, I don’t really mean it. I love watching them grow and change and I’m so excited to see the people they are becoming.

A while ago I was shopping with my Mum. I was trying on a dress and we were both looking at it like something was wrong. But it wasn’t the dress. It was the “girls”. Despite wearing a pretty good bra (which I stretched because it was a non-nursing bra and I was still nursing) they were a bit, well, sad; kind of like tired dogs with their tongues hanging out. (Too graphic? TMI? Sorry). I vowed then and there that when I was done nursing, I was going for a bra fitting AND getting a GOOD bra. And heck, I might even go to Victoria’s Secret.

Now, until earlier this summer, I didn’t ‘get’ Victoria’s Secret. I had walked by the stores and wondered who the heck would pay $8/pr for undies when I could get a whole week’s worth for that price via Fruit of the Loom. Then, I got a coupon: a coupon for a free pair of undies. FREE.
So, with Hubster’s very obvious encouraging (I think he was shoving me out the door saying “Take your time! Get a coffee on the way home. Get something nice”), I went. When I showed my coupon to the greeter at the door, I was directed to the very back, right hand corner of the store. A semi-dark area with pretty bargain bins filled with colorful scraps of stretchy cotton. I held up some interesting pieces of string and wondered how the heck you put them on and dug around for the “enormous” size for premium ass coverage. Note, these are apparently kept in the drawers UNDER the bargain bins. I guess they don’t anyone to know they sell undies for people who have bums. As I take my 1 pr of cotton bikinis to the counter, I’m still not convinced about these undies, but they’re FREE and that’s a price I can afford.

Well, let me tell you. These are the best undies I’ve ever owned. Ever. Victoria’s Secret is not paying me to tell you about this, but they can if they want to. (but I don’t’ know if they WANT to have slightly plump, marginally lumpy, saggy boobed Mom as spokesperson). I would pay $8 for these undies if I had $8 to spend on them. They stay in place, are very comfortable and wash well. They’re always the first undies I put on after wash day.

Hubster was a bit disappointed that I wasn’t able to pick something more “Victoria Secret-y”, but he’s encouraged that maybe I’ll go back.

So, all this leads me to telling you that I’m a Victoria Secret convert and will likely go back there, hopefully to buy more undies when they have a sale and to buy a bra or two. A good bra to give my poor tired, hard working “girls” the gravity defying assistance they need and deserve. I wonder if they do fittings?