So, here we are on day 2 of spring break. We’ve just spent a lovely spring morning with some friends at the local zoo. The week isn’t turning out to be as quiet as I’d hoped, but life is certainly moving at a slower pace. It’s nice not to be rushing out the door every morning and fighting over clothes, hair, food, chores before 8 am.
Yesterday, the girls and I spent most of the morning in our pajamas before donning our rain boots to slog around in our very soggy and muddy yard – playing in the cool sunshine and puddles, hanging last years’ plastic Easter eggs on our apple tree in the front yard and dreaming of getting the garden in in a few weeks.
Yesterday afternoon, Baboo and I had appointments for our annual checkups. I couldn’t really find anyone to watch Mouse during this time that wouldn’t be kind of a pain to organize, so I brought her with us. Both Baboo and I were weighed, measured and asked to don paper gowns. Mine did not have cute little teddy bears on it and kept gaping at the bust. Classy.
Baboo went first, getting the full scope of a 3 year well visit including a much worried about shot. It’s hard to feel like I have any shred of dignity discussing my daughter while wearing a gaping paper gown.
Then it was my turn. I hoped that the girls would be “busy” with their lollipops, Dora bandaids and coloring books so I could discuss more grown up health issues – though surprisingly, regardless of your age, you still have to talk about poop and pee.
So then it was time for the PAP. We tried not to make a big deal out of it and had the girls move up towards my head so as not to be in right in line of sight of all that business down there. It’s not that we’re overly modest in our family or have not discussed bodies and functions and names, but really that’s a lot of reality for a 5 and 3 year old. A pelvic exam and PAP are never comfortable, and at one point I did say “ouch” which worried Mouse a lot. When she saw the speculum and the doctor basically buried to her elbow, her eyes grew to the size of saucers as she figured out what was going on and unconsciously and protectively she lowered her hands. I assured her when I was done, that I was fine, and that it’s a part of staying healthy and that one day, when she was GROWN up she’d need to have this done too. She asked how old I was and said she’d wait until she was 35 before starting any of that. I laughed out loud. I wish that were true!
I got my script for a mammogram, a tetanus shot, orders to lose a bit of weight, take vitamin D and fish oil and was sent on my merry way. As I was taking off my gown and gathering my clothes, Baboo reached over to pass me my bra saying loudly, “Mommy, don’t forget to put your shells back on”.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Rules of Engagement
I was hanging out with a friend recently and we were talking about our kids, as we usually do. I forget what exactly we were talking about but she said something that struck me to the core. She said “Sometimes I do things with the kids, like outings, where I can just be a supervisor but not have to engage with them”.
I instantly realized that I have done this a lot this summer, particularly with Mouse. That “guilty baaaad mother” sinking feeling started snaking its’ way into my heart. I felt kind of sick when I realized this.
The truth is; I have a hard time relating to Mouse sometimes. We can often be at opposite spectrums and can’t seem to find a middle ground. When I’m trying to engage, she’s not receptive at all. Or, she’s seems to really need me when I’m crabby, busy etc.
Lately, she’s been kind of over the top obnoxious, in that silly, crazy potty-talking kid kind of way. I can see that this is a multifaceted issue. I know that this is a phase that most kids go through, but a part of it, is because she’s trying to deal with all the changes that are coming up. She’s excited about kindergarten, but it’s a bit of an unknown and that stresses her out a bit and this is how it manifests. Another part is that she’s acting out to get our/my attention. She’s screaming LOOK AT ME! And generally we do, to tell her to settle down etc. And I always feel really bad after that. It’s a classic example of the “negative attention cycle”.
Another facet is that she rarely gets Mommy to herself. There’s been a lot of competition for Mommy this summer, with us being so insanely busy lately, she just doesn’t get one on one time with me. It’s doesn’t help that Baboo wants to do everything she does, and is hard to be distracted with other things. And though I do protect Mouse’s right to do big 5 year old girl things by herself, if I’m the only one here, I do have to keep an eye on Baboo too. She doesn't get my undivided attention. I know that’s hard.
And just adds to my guilt.
The thing is, she’s rarely “bad”, annoying yes, bad, rarely. She doesn’t really get into things she’s not supposed to. She generally listens when we talk to her or ask her to do something. She can be kind of mean to her sister, but not in an overly aggressive way. They’re 5 and 2, and I expect this.
She’s smart and charming and funny and so beautiful she takes my breath away. She wants to BE WITH ME. Constantly. She needs to be reassured, complimented, noticed and encouraged. A lot. And considering I’m a person who likes a little bit of personal space, physical and mental, sometimes I find that overwhelming.
Huh. I just realized that about myself.
Communication is a big thing, or rather our method of communication. I’m often in “Mom-mode” directing, correcting, explaining, praising, requesting etc. While we do talk, we don’t often get a chance to “converse”. She can be hard to actually talk to and I admit that I do tune a lot of stuff out. She often talks “at me” but not “to” me and like a kid, there’s a lot of whining and tattling, and there’s a lot of silly talk and repetition because she really like the power that comes with making people laugh, and so she’ll keep doing or saying something (often with potty talk, everything’s funnier with “poopy” attached to it) and cracking herself up. There’s only so much of that kind of thing that my brain can take before it shuts down.
And I also know that a part of our communication issues is that Mouse is copying the babyish way that Baboo communicates to get attention because she does see that, to a degree, it works for Baboo. However, although I *know* this is what she’s doing, I tend to withdraw a bit further to not respond to that kind of communication at all.
Anyway, I guess I have a hard time relating to her and finding a place where we can both meet up and connect in a way that works. This makes me feeling like I’m failing her in a big way. I want her to feel that she’s getting what she needs, but I think I deserve not to be constantly railroaded.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
The thing is, I know she’s not getting any younger and neither am I. While I don’t feel like we’re so off track that we can’t get back on, I know that our tracks aren’t meeting up in a useful way right now. I want us to have a solid communication foundation in place before we get into the preteen years. I want her to KNOW that I’m always here for her. I want her to: feel confident, important, respected and be respectful, heard and understood. I need to try harder and I’ve already started. I’m going to plan a Mouse-parent only outing once or twice a month. She loves doing special things with just one of us, but Hubster has been the one doing the fun stuff lately, not me. So next weekend she and I are going to a movie and then out to lunch. She’s excited that it’s just going to be her and I, and I’m happy that she’s looking forward to it. I am too.
This summer has been interesting. We’ve had a lot going on and we’re all moving to the next “level”. Baboo is most definitely NOT a baby anymore, Hubster and I are trying to get to the next level in our marriage, I’m trying to define my place in this world and Mouse is moving from little kid to big kid at a very fast pace. This year seems so important and I feel as though I have a lot of work to do still. The step from kindergarten to grade 1 seems so big. I know, I’ll have to let go of her a lot more. I want her to be ready. I want to be ready. I’m scared and nervous, excited and holding my breath.
I instantly realized that I have done this a lot this summer, particularly with Mouse. That “guilty baaaad mother” sinking feeling started snaking its’ way into my heart. I felt kind of sick when I realized this.
The truth is; I have a hard time relating to Mouse sometimes. We can often be at opposite spectrums and can’t seem to find a middle ground. When I’m trying to engage, she’s not receptive at all. Or, she’s seems to really need me when I’m crabby, busy etc.
Lately, she’s been kind of over the top obnoxious, in that silly, crazy potty-talking kid kind of way. I can see that this is a multifaceted issue. I know that this is a phase that most kids go through, but a part of it, is because she’s trying to deal with all the changes that are coming up. She’s excited about kindergarten, but it’s a bit of an unknown and that stresses her out a bit and this is how it manifests. Another part is that she’s acting out to get our/my attention. She’s screaming LOOK AT ME! And generally we do, to tell her to settle down etc. And I always feel really bad after that. It’s a classic example of the “negative attention cycle”.
Another facet is that she rarely gets Mommy to herself. There’s been a lot of competition for Mommy this summer, with us being so insanely busy lately, she just doesn’t get one on one time with me. It’s doesn’t help that Baboo wants to do everything she does, and is hard to be distracted with other things. And though I do protect Mouse’s right to do big 5 year old girl things by herself, if I’m the only one here, I do have to keep an eye on Baboo too. She doesn't get my undivided attention. I know that’s hard.
And just adds to my guilt.
The thing is, she’s rarely “bad”, annoying yes, bad, rarely. She doesn’t really get into things she’s not supposed to. She generally listens when we talk to her or ask her to do something. She can be kind of mean to her sister, but not in an overly aggressive way. They’re 5 and 2, and I expect this.
She’s smart and charming and funny and so beautiful she takes my breath away. She wants to BE WITH ME. Constantly. She needs to be reassured, complimented, noticed and encouraged. A lot. And considering I’m a person who likes a little bit of personal space, physical and mental, sometimes I find that overwhelming.
Huh. I just realized that about myself.
Communication is a big thing, or rather our method of communication. I’m often in “Mom-mode” directing, correcting, explaining, praising, requesting etc. While we do talk, we don’t often get a chance to “converse”. She can be hard to actually talk to and I admit that I do tune a lot of stuff out. She often talks “at me” but not “to” me and like a kid, there’s a lot of whining and tattling, and there’s a lot of silly talk and repetition because she really like the power that comes with making people laugh, and so she’ll keep doing or saying something (often with potty talk, everything’s funnier with “poopy” attached to it) and cracking herself up. There’s only so much of that kind of thing that my brain can take before it shuts down.
And I also know that a part of our communication issues is that Mouse is copying the babyish way that Baboo communicates to get attention because she does see that, to a degree, it works for Baboo. However, although I *know* this is what she’s doing, I tend to withdraw a bit further to not respond to that kind of communication at all.
Anyway, I guess I have a hard time relating to her and finding a place where we can both meet up and connect in a way that works. This makes me feeling like I’m failing her in a big way. I want her to feel that she’s getting what she needs, but I think I deserve not to be constantly railroaded.
Guilt, guilt, guilt.
The thing is, I know she’s not getting any younger and neither am I. While I don’t feel like we’re so off track that we can’t get back on, I know that our tracks aren’t meeting up in a useful way right now. I want us to have a solid communication foundation in place before we get into the preteen years. I want her to KNOW that I’m always here for her. I want her to: feel confident, important, respected and be respectful, heard and understood. I need to try harder and I’ve already started. I’m going to plan a Mouse-parent only outing once or twice a month. She loves doing special things with just one of us, but Hubster has been the one doing the fun stuff lately, not me. So next weekend she and I are going to a movie and then out to lunch. She’s excited that it’s just going to be her and I, and I’m happy that she’s looking forward to it. I am too.
This summer has been interesting. We’ve had a lot going on and we’re all moving to the next “level”. Baboo is most definitely NOT a baby anymore, Hubster and I are trying to get to the next level in our marriage, I’m trying to define my place in this world and Mouse is moving from little kid to big kid at a very fast pace. This year seems so important and I feel as though I have a lot of work to do still. The step from kindergarten to grade 1 seems so big. I know, I’ll have to let go of her a lot more. I want her to be ready. I want to be ready. I’m scared and nervous, excited and holding my breath.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Wiped
No, I have not found my keys yet. I remain minutely hopeful that they’ll turn up, but I’m not holding my breath. I don’t want to pass out.
I’ve mentioned a little too often lately how tired I am, and not just tired. Wiped. Out.
Things have been very busy for the past few months and though I hoped this summer would give me a bit of a reprieve, it has not. In fact, things have intensified.
As of this writing, its’ 9:47 pm. I have been awake and “Mom” since 6:24 am. Baboo has not napped and yet has been out of bed 10 times in the last 1.5 hours. Though I did have adult conversation today for a few hours during a play date, it felt a bit like I was “entertaining” and so feel that I have had no time to myself. I feel like I’m going to snap if I hear those adorable little feet get out of bed one more time to go potty/yell that she’s scared/or ask for help to find “Tweet-hawt” the little stuff dog who fell off the bed for the 100th time. Yes, Hubster is helping out to get her settled, but the point is, I can still hear it. I can’t SHUT OFF.
The girls are at a very busy stage right now. They want to explore and be with their friends and be stimulated and go, go, go. I want to encourage this, to a degree. Baboo rarely naps and if she does, bedtime is screwed for hours. Though Mouse will go to bed without too many issues, she does very little by herself during the day and requires very frequent direction/redirection/interaction/reassurance.
I feel like a cruise director trying to keep the girls busy, but encouraging them to play by themselves to a degree. But it still requires me to monitor thing; after all, Baboo is only 2. And she’s still potty training so that does require a certain level of constant awareness and attention. I’m having a hard time finding any kind of rhythm that doesn’t feel frantic.
And in between this, I’m trying to squeeze in meals, a bit of cleaning/laundry – even enough just to try to keep it from taking over, errands, email when I can. Phone calls are a luxury that are often jilted, interrupted conversations that make me feel like I’m losing my mind because I can’t seem to finish a thought.
Lately, its’ 9:30 by the time everyone’s in bed and SETTLED, despite starting bedtime at 7 pm. I’m so FRIED by then. I have projects I want/need to work on and can’t find the time or energy to get them done. I often just flake in front of the tv for an hour (and even that feels too late) and stumble off to bed for too few hours of interrupted sleep. There is very little time for “ME” where I’m not left feeling guilty because something or someone is being neglected/inconvenienced. I know I can’t make everyone happy all the time, and I’m not trying to, but lately, I don’t feel like anyone’s needs are being met in even a close to satisfactory manner. I know that part of this incompetent frame of mind is because I’m just plain tired.
I stopped going to therapy because I can’t seem to get the timing right and frankly, I’m resenting the time spent there. I feel like I’d rather do something more constructive with my time. I’ve been feeling “done” with it, and maybe this is what “done” feels like.
I’m having a lot of mixed feelings: guilt, resentment, anger, sadness about not being able to fully embrace this time with my girls. This is the last summer before we’re into full time school and life will change permanently then. I’m trying to keep up with what seems like a frantic pace, trying to stayed charged and ready to go and yes, we are having fun and I am enjoying it, but god help me, I am tired.
If this is the new pace of our lives, which seems to be going just so damn fast, I need to get into the game and find a way to function more efficiently because I’m going to get dragged behind this fast running horse and it’s going to be messy.
And now, it’s late because I’ve spent way too long bitching about how tired I am (wah, wah, wah. Poor me. Snort) instead of getting my snarky, cranky, over-tired self to bed. And tomorrow is another day full of busy possibilities which I must be ready for.
I’ve mentioned a little too often lately how tired I am, and not just tired. Wiped. Out.
Things have been very busy for the past few months and though I hoped this summer would give me a bit of a reprieve, it has not. In fact, things have intensified.
As of this writing, its’ 9:47 pm. I have been awake and “Mom” since 6:24 am. Baboo has not napped and yet has been out of bed 10 times in the last 1.5 hours. Though I did have adult conversation today for a few hours during a play date, it felt a bit like I was “entertaining” and so feel that I have had no time to myself. I feel like I’m going to snap if I hear those adorable little feet get out of bed one more time to go potty/yell that she’s scared/or ask for help to find “Tweet-hawt” the little stuff dog who fell off the bed for the 100th time. Yes, Hubster is helping out to get her settled, but the point is, I can still hear it. I can’t SHUT OFF.
The girls are at a very busy stage right now. They want to explore and be with their friends and be stimulated and go, go, go. I want to encourage this, to a degree. Baboo rarely naps and if she does, bedtime is screwed for hours. Though Mouse will go to bed without too many issues, she does very little by herself during the day and requires very frequent direction/redirection/interaction/reassurance.
I feel like a cruise director trying to keep the girls busy, but encouraging them to play by themselves to a degree. But it still requires me to monitor thing; after all, Baboo is only 2. And she’s still potty training so that does require a certain level of constant awareness and attention. I’m having a hard time finding any kind of rhythm that doesn’t feel frantic.
And in between this, I’m trying to squeeze in meals, a bit of cleaning/laundry – even enough just to try to keep it from taking over, errands, email when I can. Phone calls are a luxury that are often jilted, interrupted conversations that make me feel like I’m losing my mind because I can’t seem to finish a thought.
Lately, its’ 9:30 by the time everyone’s in bed and SETTLED, despite starting bedtime at 7 pm. I’m so FRIED by then. I have projects I want/need to work on and can’t find the time or energy to get them done. I often just flake in front of the tv for an hour (and even that feels too late) and stumble off to bed for too few hours of interrupted sleep. There is very little time for “ME” where I’m not left feeling guilty because something or someone is being neglected/inconvenienced. I know I can’t make everyone happy all the time, and I’m not trying to, but lately, I don’t feel like anyone’s needs are being met in even a close to satisfactory manner. I know that part of this incompetent frame of mind is because I’m just plain tired.
I stopped going to therapy because I can’t seem to get the timing right and frankly, I’m resenting the time spent there. I feel like I’d rather do something more constructive with my time. I’ve been feeling “done” with it, and maybe this is what “done” feels like.
I’m having a lot of mixed feelings: guilt, resentment, anger, sadness about not being able to fully embrace this time with my girls. This is the last summer before we’re into full time school and life will change permanently then. I’m trying to keep up with what seems like a frantic pace, trying to stayed charged and ready to go and yes, we are having fun and I am enjoying it, but god help me, I am tired.
If this is the new pace of our lives, which seems to be going just so damn fast, I need to get into the game and find a way to function more efficiently because I’m going to get dragged behind this fast running horse and it’s going to be messy.
And now, it’s late because I’ve spent way too long bitching about how tired I am (wah, wah, wah. Poor me. Snort) instead of getting my snarky, cranky, over-tired self to bed. And tomorrow is another day full of busy possibilities which I must be ready for.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Ralph
So, after reading Becprint's post about Ralph from Ralph’s World, I was reminded of how much we enjoy his music and how much we needed something new to listen to. We’ve worn the Mama Mia cd OUT. Yikes.
While at the library earlier this week, I found a couple of his cd’s to borrow. For the ride home, we loaded one into the cd player in the car. As is usually the case for me, my nerves feel jarred when listening to something new, only because I’m not familiar with it. However, most of the time, by the second listening, I’m finding a new groove.
Well… the Happy Lemons cd is now PERMANENTLY recorded into my brain. The kids keep asking for the songs over and over again and we’ve all, including Baboo, been singing the Happy Lemons song all day. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I mean really, with these lyrics, how I could be sad? (and am strangely craving lemonade which I normally don’t like)….
Happy lemons for happy days
Happy people with smiling faces
Happiness is a glass of lemonade
Le-mon-ade in the shade
Eve-ry-one loves lem-on-ade
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lemonade….
See? Aren’t you happy? Don’t you wish for a hot sunny day and a nice big glass of cold lemonade with a straw and a little umbrella to sip while you sit in the shade of a big tree? You should. If not, sing the song about 25 more times and you will. Oh yes, believe me, you will.
There’s a few songs on the cd that have a bit of a Beatles flair to them and one that sounds vaguely like Crowded House, probably one of my all time favourite bands. Its’ fun music that isn’t too “kiddie” or tinkley (some kids music sounds very plinky and tinkely and circus-y– I’m not sure how else to describe it, except, well, annoying!). Some of the lyrics are really funny. Even if I didn't have kids, I might have to listen to this cd.
Mouse loves the crazy song about Belly Buttons. Baboo just keeps saying “wawawawa wemons”. We’re in a groovin’ mood here today. And maybe I’ll join Becprints and become a Ralph groupie.
I guess that maybe this cd might have to come and live at our house. (Our own copy that is, not the library’s. Which we will buy; not burn. We’re not that kind of people, sheesh!).
While at the library earlier this week, I found a couple of his cd’s to borrow. For the ride home, we loaded one into the cd player in the car. As is usually the case for me, my nerves feel jarred when listening to something new, only because I’m not familiar with it. However, most of the time, by the second listening, I’m finding a new groove.
Well… the Happy Lemons cd is now PERMANENTLY recorded into my brain. The kids keep asking for the songs over and over again and we’ve all, including Baboo, been singing the Happy Lemons song all day. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I mean really, with these lyrics, how I could be sad? (and am strangely craving lemonade which I normally don’t like)….
Happy lemons for happy days
Happy people with smiling faces
Happiness is a glass of lemonade
Le-mon-ade in the shade
Eve-ry-one loves lem-on-ade
Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala lemonade….
See? Aren’t you happy? Don’t you wish for a hot sunny day and a nice big glass of cold lemonade with a straw and a little umbrella to sip while you sit in the shade of a big tree? You should. If not, sing the song about 25 more times and you will. Oh yes, believe me, you will.
There’s a few songs on the cd that have a bit of a Beatles flair to them and one that sounds vaguely like Crowded House, probably one of my all time favourite bands. Its’ fun music that isn’t too “kiddie” or tinkley (some kids music sounds very plinky and tinkely and circus-y– I’m not sure how else to describe it, except, well, annoying!). Some of the lyrics are really funny. Even if I didn't have kids, I might have to listen to this cd.
Mouse loves the crazy song about Belly Buttons. Baboo just keeps saying “wawawawa wemons”. We’re in a groovin’ mood here today. And maybe I’ll join Becprints and become a Ralph groupie.
I guess that maybe this cd might have to come and live at our house. (Our own copy that is, not the library’s. Which we will buy; not burn. We’re not that kind of people, sheesh!).
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Night Processing
Last night was a long night for some of us. Mouse was up, about 5 or 6 times, from the time she went to bed at 8 until 3 am. It seemed just when Hubster and I were finally drifting back to sleep, we’d hear the scuff of footie pajamas on the carpet in the hall and then the squeak of our bedroom door being opened, followed by a whispered “Mom” from the foot of the bed.
She’d come up, usually to my side and ask to snuggle. The first time she came in, I let her stay for about ½ an hour then I took her back to bed and stayed with her for about 5 minutes to get her settled. She seemed to be sleeping so I left and tried to get settled myself. However, about 30 minutes later, she came back. Hubster took her back to her own bed that time and other 3 times as well. At one point, she almost threw a tantrum because I wasn’t the one taking her back. Yeah, wanted to deal with THAT at 3:30 am.
It was weird; very unusual for her. We haven’t had a night like this with her for a long time. At least once or twice a week she comes to us at night time, but usually she’ll go right back to sleep and stay in her bed once we take her back. It didn’t seem like she was having nightmares as she didn’t seem scared.
I suppose I could have just let her stay as she was obviously needing something, but Baboo had been in our bed for a while the night before and I didn’t really sleep very well, clinging to the outer inch and dreaming about falling out of bed while my tiny toddler had the rest of the KING sized bed.
When Hubster couldn’t get back to sleep after taking her back to bed for the 4th time and decided to get up and watch some tv (I guess, I’m not sure) I lay there trying to get back to sleep myself. My mind was starting to wander as it usually does when I’m up in the middle of the night. It started singing Noggin’s Wow Wow Wubzy Robot Dance Song. (Please KILL me) So to STOP my head from singing “Robot Dance. Robot Dance. We want to do the Robot Dance. Here’s your number, here’s your chance. Let’s all do the robot dance” with an annoying techno robotic-like musical accompaniment (shudder), I tried to figure out what was going on with Mouse.
After a few minutes of pondering, I was shuttled back to her baby days. As a baby she’d be fine all day, regardless of what we did: stayed home, shopping, outing with friends etc. However, by the evening if we did anything stimulating, like the mall for example, she’d be an absolute MESS. She’d scream and cry for hours and there was almost nothing we could do to console her. We’d take her for walks in the pack carrier or sling when we could or just walk with her up and down the halls of our apartment building when we couldn’t. It didn’t happen consistently enough for us to think it was colic, but it took us a while to figure out what was going on. She was highly sensitive to stimulating things, but just not immediately. Everyone would always say how good and cute she was while we were out and she would be. She rarely cried when we were out. It hit her all at night as she tried to process everything.
She’s gotten better with time and maturity and a bigger vocabulary to be able to talk about things, however every now and then we go through some of the night time processing.
Yesterday, Mouse had a play date with a friend from school yesterday. She was supposed to go for a couple of hours after school in the afternoon, but school was cancelled because of the cold, so the other Mom, whose daughter was REALLY looking forward to the play date, drove here to pick her up about 10:30 in the morning and planned to keep her until about 4 in the afternoon.
I was a bit apprehensive about this as Mouse had never been at someone’s house that long without me before. We talked about it and she said she wanted to go, and I know the other Mom pretty well and her daughter is really sweet, so I wasn’t really worried about the girls fighting or anything.
When I picked her up at 4, she was excited to tell me about her day. She had a great time and had fun and the other Mom said she was great; well behaved, had a good time and that the girls played well together and there were no major incidences that needed to be reported.
I knew Mouse was tired and so we planned a pretty quiet evening. It was movie night so we had a pizza, watched a movie and then put the girls to bed. We made sure to have quite a bit of cuddle time and didn’t push talking about the big new experiences too much. She really didn’t want to talk too much about it.
I realized after lying in bed that this was a huge thing for her. She’d been away from me ALL day with someone she doesn’t know really well . She had to take in a lot of information and experience a lot of new things all by herself. I wasn’t there to interpret, explain and referee or act as the grounding device she could come to when she needed to find something familiar. Even I felt weird not having her here for most of the day.
So, last night seemed to be one of those times where she needed to process all that had happened. She needed to process the fact that she’s growing up a little bit more, that she can handle herself for longer periods of time without me there and that while she SAYS “MOooom, I’m FINE” (cos she’s 4.5 going on 13) she still misses me. And those are some tough concepts to reconcile. I know, because I was trying to figure it out too. She’s my baby and my big girl all at the same time.
Eventually, we all fell back to sleep, and at 9:15 Hubster is still sleeping. Today is another day, just like any other day, but I think we all know, we’ve jumped through a pretty big growing up hoop.
She’d come up, usually to my side and ask to snuggle. The first time she came in, I let her stay for about ½ an hour then I took her back to bed and stayed with her for about 5 minutes to get her settled. She seemed to be sleeping so I left and tried to get settled myself. However, about 30 minutes later, she came back. Hubster took her back to her own bed that time and other 3 times as well. At one point, she almost threw a tantrum because I wasn’t the one taking her back. Yeah, wanted to deal with THAT at 3:30 am.
It was weird; very unusual for her. We haven’t had a night like this with her for a long time. At least once or twice a week she comes to us at night time, but usually she’ll go right back to sleep and stay in her bed once we take her back. It didn’t seem like she was having nightmares as she didn’t seem scared.
I suppose I could have just let her stay as she was obviously needing something, but Baboo had been in our bed for a while the night before and I didn’t really sleep very well, clinging to the outer inch and dreaming about falling out of bed while my tiny toddler had the rest of the KING sized bed.
When Hubster couldn’t get back to sleep after taking her back to bed for the 4th time and decided to get up and watch some tv (I guess, I’m not sure) I lay there trying to get back to sleep myself. My mind was starting to wander as it usually does when I’m up in the middle of the night. It started singing Noggin’s Wow Wow Wubzy Robot Dance Song. (Please KILL me) So to STOP my head from singing “Robot Dance. Robot Dance. We want to do the Robot Dance. Here’s your number, here’s your chance. Let’s all do the robot dance” with an annoying techno robotic-like musical accompaniment (shudder), I tried to figure out what was going on with Mouse.
After a few minutes of pondering, I was shuttled back to her baby days. As a baby she’d be fine all day, regardless of what we did: stayed home, shopping, outing with friends etc. However, by the evening if we did anything stimulating, like the mall for example, she’d be an absolute MESS. She’d scream and cry for hours and there was almost nothing we could do to console her. We’d take her for walks in the pack carrier or sling when we could or just walk with her up and down the halls of our apartment building when we couldn’t. It didn’t happen consistently enough for us to think it was colic, but it took us a while to figure out what was going on. She was highly sensitive to stimulating things, but just not immediately. Everyone would always say how good and cute she was while we were out and she would be. She rarely cried when we were out. It hit her all at night as she tried to process everything.
She’s gotten better with time and maturity and a bigger vocabulary to be able to talk about things, however every now and then we go through some of the night time processing.
Yesterday, Mouse had a play date with a friend from school yesterday. She was supposed to go for a couple of hours after school in the afternoon, but school was cancelled because of the cold, so the other Mom, whose daughter was REALLY looking forward to the play date, drove here to pick her up about 10:30 in the morning and planned to keep her until about 4 in the afternoon.
I was a bit apprehensive about this as Mouse had never been at someone’s house that long without me before. We talked about it and she said she wanted to go, and I know the other Mom pretty well and her daughter is really sweet, so I wasn’t really worried about the girls fighting or anything.
When I picked her up at 4, she was excited to tell me about her day. She had a great time and had fun and the other Mom said she was great; well behaved, had a good time and that the girls played well together and there were no major incidences that needed to be reported.
I knew Mouse was tired and so we planned a pretty quiet evening. It was movie night so we had a pizza, watched a movie and then put the girls to bed. We made sure to have quite a bit of cuddle time and didn’t push talking about the big new experiences too much. She really didn’t want to talk too much about it.
I realized after lying in bed that this was a huge thing for her. She’d been away from me ALL day with someone she doesn’t know really well . She had to take in a lot of information and experience a lot of new things all by herself. I wasn’t there to interpret, explain and referee or act as the grounding device she could come to when she needed to find something familiar. Even I felt weird not having her here for most of the day.
So, last night seemed to be one of those times where she needed to process all that had happened. She needed to process the fact that she’s growing up a little bit more, that she can handle herself for longer periods of time without me there and that while she SAYS “MOooom, I’m FINE” (cos she’s 4.5 going on 13) she still misses me. And those are some tough concepts to reconcile. I know, because I was trying to figure it out too. She’s my baby and my big girl all at the same time.
Eventually, we all fell back to sleep, and at 9:15 Hubster is still sleeping. Today is another day, just like any other day, but I think we all know, we’ve jumped through a pretty big growing up hoop.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Breakfast is the Most Important Meal...
unless you are my daughter(s). In which case, unless it’s made by McDonalds or IHOP (which are very special treats that happen once in a blue moon) you refuse to eat breakfast of any kind, even non-breakfast foods.
But, then at 10 am you suddenly realize you are STARVING, throw an enormous tantrum because you have no energy left and then scarf down half a cupboard of snacks.
And then, if you are ME, you go into the bathroom and bang your head against the wall because if I don’t’ I’m going to scream “JUST EAT SOMETHING ALREADY!” and scar the children for life by going all ape-shit 'n all. Maddening. Absolutely, maddening.
Oh, I’ve tried it all. Typical breakfast foods like: cereal, toast, waffles ,yogurt, smoothies, granola/cereal bars… POPTARTS for pete’s sake. I bought Poptarts and tried to get my kids to eat them (which was fundamentally wrong in my mind, but I was desperate). We’ve tried non-breakfast foods like mac&cheese, tortillas, hotdog, cheese/crackers, pizzas and leftovers. I’ve tried bribes and rewards (I know, I suck). I’ve tried not mentioning breakfast at all and/or saying “If you’re hungry, you can get yourself something”. But that feels a bit negligent to me considering how young the girls are.
Some days I resort to almost begging them to drink even a small glass of milk – with CHOCOLATE or STRAWBERRY syrup in it, just to give them some fat/calories. Some days, like today, I sneak in some Carnation Instant Breakfast and mix in extra chocolate syrup. But most days it doesn’t work.
I've tried making breakfast part of the routine of what we do, at about the same time, every day. Get up, dress, eat, brush teeth/hair, get ready for school (shoes on etc). No tv until all of that is done and ready to go. I can't get them into the breakfast groove. I was hoping to train their brains/stomachs into thinking "now we need to EAT". I've tried giving them choices and just saying "THIS is what is for breakfast". Again, all to no avail. Or at least, not to any consistent resolution.
The other day Mouse ate 1, yes, 1 mini-wheat, and had 4 tiny sips of milk - the equivalent of about 3 tablespoons. Baboo had ½ a class of milk (probably like a ¼ of a cup) and 3 mini-wheats.
Yes , I know they have small stomachs and I don’t expect them to sit down and eat a mountain of food (though some days they eat so much it makes me sick to watch them) – but don't they need to eat more than that???
Until this year, I didn’t really care that my girls weren’t breakfast eaters. We could go with the flow and they could eat when they needed to. I know some people really CAN’T eat breakfast and I try to respect that.
However, this year, Mouse started preschool 3 mornings a week and snack isn’t until 11 am. She starts to get clingy and homesick at about 10:00 on the mornings when she won’t eat anything and I know it’s because she’s hungry.
I know that many children/diet experts tell us let them “eat when we’re hungry” – the whole “grazing” theory, but you know, sometimes our lives are not set up to allow us to do that. I understand where Mouse is coming from when she says she “can’t” eat and yet, at the same time; I understand that her teacher can’t just allow the kids to eat whenever they want. It would be so disruptive to the whole class.
My girls are tiny, Mouse is 4.5, has JUST reached 30 lbs, and wears a size 3T. She is the smallest in her class by a lot. She’s barely at the 5 %ile on the “charts”. New doctors panic when I take her in for checkups. People often tell me how well she can talk because they assume that she is 2 or 3. Most are stunned and embarrassed when she indignantly announces that she is 4 and BIG – thankyouverymuch.
Baboo is also tiny. She’s 20 months old, but is about the size of a 12m old (I’m saying that because we’re around a few babies that just turned 1 and they are the same size). She’s below the growth charts. She’s just over 20 lbs. People are often surprised by my very mobile, talkative infant. Ahahah. Oy.
Both girls were of average weight when they were born – within 2 onz of each other actually. They grew very well until 9 months then dropped off the charts. I know that a slow down at that point is typical for breastfed babies, but when Mouse didn’t really grow or gain weight for 8 months nearly pushed our previous, very calm natured pediatrician over the edge.
Hubster and I are not big people, so it’s unlikely that our girls will be big. We’ve already been warned that puberty will likely be delayed for both girls. (Not that I’m against that!). Any time we change pediatricians, the new doctors panic that our girls are so small and tell us to push MILK, PROTEIN, heck, even give them ICE CREAM.
They have no problem eating sweets. They would happily eat ice cream and chocolate and gummy bears all day if I was willing to do so, but that’s not realistic.
And really, most days breakfast is the biggest battle of the day, they do seem to eat some lunch and dinner pretty willingly. And I offer regular snacks as well. As much as I can I try to do meals around the times that I know they will eat, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
So, where am I going with this post, other than just ranting out of frustration? I AM ranting, but I’m also looking for balance; thinking out loud and trying to find a solution.
I’m trying very hard not to make this an issue because I know that if Mouse senses that I’m trying to pressure her to eat, she’ll dig her heels in harder just because she can. And Baboo, sees what Mouse does and copies it. I can’t MAKE them eat, as much as I want them to and as much as they really need to. When either of them get to the point of the 10 am hunger meltdown, I make a point of saying “your body is telling you that you are hungry and maybe next time we’ll try to have something to eat BEFORE you get to this point”. I’m trying to encourage healthy living by making healthy food choices, having all things in moderation and hopefully guiding them to follow their own hunger cutes by eating when hungry and stopping when full. We talk about this; how important it is for our bodies and I try to set an example by living this way as much as I can.
But it’s hard, so hard, when we have to get out the door in the morning because, well, we can’t hang around in our pjs until 10 am and then have a leisurely breakfast. Or when I really don’t have it in me to go the 9 rounds when it comes to the hunger tantrums. It’s hard to know what the balance is: how much to push vs they live and learn (natural consquences)?
I hope that it “clicks” soon for Mouse, in particular, that she needs to have at least a little something on her stomach to help her get through her mornings. Next year she starts school every day and the thought of this battle every morning is enough to make me cry.
But, then at 10 am you suddenly realize you are STARVING, throw an enormous tantrum because you have no energy left and then scarf down half a cupboard of snacks.
And then, if you are ME, you go into the bathroom and bang your head against the wall because if I don’t’ I’m going to scream “JUST EAT SOMETHING ALREADY!” and scar the children for life by going all ape-shit 'n all. Maddening. Absolutely, maddening.
Oh, I’ve tried it all. Typical breakfast foods like: cereal, toast, waffles ,yogurt, smoothies, granola/cereal bars… POPTARTS for pete’s sake. I bought Poptarts and tried to get my kids to eat them (which was fundamentally wrong in my mind, but I was desperate). We’ve tried non-breakfast foods like mac&cheese, tortillas, hotdog, cheese/crackers, pizzas and leftovers. I’ve tried bribes and rewards (I know, I suck). I’ve tried not mentioning breakfast at all and/or saying “If you’re hungry, you can get yourself something”. But that feels a bit negligent to me considering how young the girls are.
Some days I resort to almost begging them to drink even a small glass of milk – with CHOCOLATE or STRAWBERRY syrup in it, just to give them some fat/calories. Some days, like today, I sneak in some Carnation Instant Breakfast and mix in extra chocolate syrup. But most days it doesn’t work.
I've tried making breakfast part of the routine of what we do, at about the same time, every day. Get up, dress, eat, brush teeth/hair, get ready for school (shoes on etc). No tv until all of that is done and ready to go. I can't get them into the breakfast groove. I was hoping to train their brains/stomachs into thinking "now we need to EAT". I've tried giving them choices and just saying "THIS is what is for breakfast". Again, all to no avail. Or at least, not to any consistent resolution.
The other day Mouse ate 1, yes, 1 mini-wheat, and had 4 tiny sips of milk - the equivalent of about 3 tablespoons. Baboo had ½ a class of milk (probably like a ¼ of a cup) and 3 mini-wheats.
Yes , I know they have small stomachs and I don’t expect them to sit down and eat a mountain of food (though some days they eat so much it makes me sick to watch them) – but don't they need to eat more than that???
Until this year, I didn’t really care that my girls weren’t breakfast eaters. We could go with the flow and they could eat when they needed to. I know some people really CAN’T eat breakfast and I try to respect that.
However, this year, Mouse started preschool 3 mornings a week and snack isn’t until 11 am. She starts to get clingy and homesick at about 10:00 on the mornings when she won’t eat anything and I know it’s because she’s hungry.
I know that many children/diet experts tell us let them “eat when we’re hungry” – the whole “grazing” theory, but you know, sometimes our lives are not set up to allow us to do that. I understand where Mouse is coming from when she says she “can’t” eat and yet, at the same time; I understand that her teacher can’t just allow the kids to eat whenever they want. It would be so disruptive to the whole class.
My girls are tiny, Mouse is 4.5, has JUST reached 30 lbs, and wears a size 3T. She is the smallest in her class by a lot. She’s barely at the 5 %ile on the “charts”. New doctors panic when I take her in for checkups. People often tell me how well she can talk because they assume that she is 2 or 3. Most are stunned and embarrassed when she indignantly announces that she is 4 and BIG – thankyouverymuch.
Baboo is also tiny. She’s 20 months old, but is about the size of a 12m old (I’m saying that because we’re around a few babies that just turned 1 and they are the same size). She’s below the growth charts. She’s just over 20 lbs. People are often surprised by my very mobile, talkative infant. Ahahah. Oy.
Both girls were of average weight when they were born – within 2 onz of each other actually. They grew very well until 9 months then dropped off the charts. I know that a slow down at that point is typical for breastfed babies, but when Mouse didn’t really grow or gain weight for 8 months nearly pushed our previous, very calm natured pediatrician over the edge.
Hubster and I are not big people, so it’s unlikely that our girls will be big. We’ve already been warned that puberty will likely be delayed for both girls. (Not that I’m against that!). Any time we change pediatricians, the new doctors panic that our girls are so small and tell us to push MILK, PROTEIN, heck, even give them ICE CREAM.
They have no problem eating sweets. They would happily eat ice cream and chocolate and gummy bears all day if I was willing to do so, but that’s not realistic.
And really, most days breakfast is the biggest battle of the day, they do seem to eat some lunch and dinner pretty willingly. And I offer regular snacks as well. As much as I can I try to do meals around the times that I know they will eat, but it doesn’t always work out that way.
So, where am I going with this post, other than just ranting out of frustration? I AM ranting, but I’m also looking for balance; thinking out loud and trying to find a solution.
I’m trying very hard not to make this an issue because I know that if Mouse senses that I’m trying to pressure her to eat, she’ll dig her heels in harder just because she can. And Baboo, sees what Mouse does and copies it. I can’t MAKE them eat, as much as I want them to and as much as they really need to. When either of them get to the point of the 10 am hunger meltdown, I make a point of saying “your body is telling you that you are hungry and maybe next time we’ll try to have something to eat BEFORE you get to this point”. I’m trying to encourage healthy living by making healthy food choices, having all things in moderation and hopefully guiding them to follow their own hunger cutes by eating when hungry and stopping when full. We talk about this; how important it is for our bodies and I try to set an example by living this way as much as I can.
But it’s hard, so hard, when we have to get out the door in the morning because, well, we can’t hang around in our pjs until 10 am and then have a leisurely breakfast. Or when I really don’t have it in me to go the 9 rounds when it comes to the hunger tantrums. It’s hard to know what the balance is: how much to push vs they live and learn (natural consquences)?
I hope that it “clicks” soon for Mouse, in particular, that she needs to have at least a little something on her stomach to help her get through her mornings. Next year she starts school every day and the thought of this battle every morning is enough to make me cry.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Salon Mommy
Today was the first time I’ve ever cut Mouse’s hair. She needed her bangs trimmed and lately the hair places have been cutting them too short and in the interest of saving a few bucks, I figured why not?
We had to make a big production about it so that it was a like a REAL salon, because there’s nothing this girl likes better than an “occasion”!
She hopped up onto my desk chair, which raises/lowers. We dramatically draped a “cape” (aka towel) around her. I spritzed her bangs and got ready to start snipping.
She says: Well m’am, I didn’t know you worked here.
Me: I just opened.
She: Oh, that’s very nice. (she’s already better at salon small talk than I am)
Me: Since you are the first customer of “Salon Mommy” this will cost you a million dollars.
She: (will all seriousness) Ok, if do a good job.
Ahahahahahaha.
I take her over to the mirror to inspect my work. She says, (because she’s so humble) “I look fabulous!” and reaches behind her to her imaginary pocketbook and hands me my imaginary million dollars. I guess that is what I get for being an imaginary hair dresser.
And for the record… her bangs turned out just fine.
We had to make a big production about it so that it was a like a REAL salon, because there’s nothing this girl likes better than an “occasion”!
She hopped up onto my desk chair, which raises/lowers. We dramatically draped a “cape” (aka towel) around her. I spritzed her bangs and got ready to start snipping.
She says: Well m’am, I didn’t know you worked here.
Me: I just opened.
She: Oh, that’s very nice. (she’s already better at salon small talk than I am)
Me: Since you are the first customer of “Salon Mommy” this will cost you a million dollars.
She: (will all seriousness) Ok, if do a good job.
Ahahahahahaha.
I take her over to the mirror to inspect my work. She says, (because she’s so humble) “I look fabulous!” and reaches behind her to her imaginary pocketbook and hands me my imaginary million dollars. I guess that is what I get for being an imaginary hair dresser.
And for the record… her bangs turned out just fine.
Friday, December 12, 2008
A Glimpse of the Future
Today Mouse’s school had a field trip to see a local high school band practice. The band teacher was really fabulous with the kids; he prepared a fantastic program of fun Christmas music, he gave all kids antlers and had them march around to Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer, and bells to shake during Jingle Bells. The high school students were so involved with our gaggle of 4 year olds; happily answering questions about their instruments, following along as one of the kids learned how to conduct and just making eye contact and smiling. It was a fun time and truly, these music students were fantastic musicians.
Afterwards, we went to the cafeteria for enormous, festive, sugar sprinkled cookies and milk. As we walked in we were followed by a bunch of students coming in for morning announcements. I had a weird time warp moment.
When we see our “big” kids day to day, they seem, well, BIG. Many of the students were walking by and saying “Awww, how cute! Look at them! They’re so little!” I saw our kids through their eyes and compared to these big high school kids, they DID seem so little.
And then, GASP… I realized that one day I will also have a high school kid – in fact 2 (!). I had this flash of a vision of my girls almost grown up and going to high school. I think my heart stopped for a minute or two and I sprouted at least 5 more gray hairs.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised that my kids will grow up but sometimes it’s hard to realize that time is moving on when you are just plodding along and every day at this stage seems so much the same.
However, every now and then, I have these momentary flashes of the future . A wake up call, if you will. When I was pregnant with Mouse, my Mum (and a friend) said, “Hey, just think – this Christmas you’ll have a 7 month old and think of all the things your baby will be doing”. I was shocked, stunned really, because I hadn’t really thought too far past the getting through the birth and actually “having” a baby at that point.
I think I’ve been going through a similar phase lately. So caught up in the day to day that it’s hard to see the future and yet, every day is a step in that direction. And every day that we leave behind IS the past. It seems obvious, I know, but when I poke my head up from the apparent monotony of this parenting trench, I’m surprised to see how quickly my kids are growing up. We really ARE moving forward.
In reference to parenting our little-big kids, Mouse’s wonderful teacher has been known to say “The days can pass so slowly, but the years really do fly by”.
How true that is.
Afterwards, we went to the cafeteria for enormous, festive, sugar sprinkled cookies and milk. As we walked in we were followed by a bunch of students coming in for morning announcements. I had a weird time warp moment.
When we see our “big” kids day to day, they seem, well, BIG. Many of the students were walking by and saying “Awww, how cute! Look at them! They’re so little!” I saw our kids through their eyes and compared to these big high school kids, they DID seem so little.
And then, GASP… I realized that one day I will also have a high school kid – in fact 2 (!). I had this flash of a vision of my girls almost grown up and going to high school. I think my heart stopped for a minute or two and I sprouted at least 5 more gray hairs.
I know I shouldn’t be surprised that my kids will grow up but sometimes it’s hard to realize that time is moving on when you are just plodding along and every day at this stage seems so much the same.
However, every now and then, I have these momentary flashes of the future . A wake up call, if you will. When I was pregnant with Mouse, my Mum (and a friend) said, “Hey, just think – this Christmas you’ll have a 7 month old and think of all the things your baby will be doing”. I was shocked, stunned really, because I hadn’t really thought too far past the getting through the birth and actually “having” a baby at that point.
I think I’ve been going through a similar phase lately. So caught up in the day to day that it’s hard to see the future and yet, every day is a step in that direction. And every day that we leave behind IS the past. It seems obvious, I know, but when I poke my head up from the apparent monotony of this parenting trench, I’m surprised to see how quickly my kids are growing up. We really ARE moving forward.
In reference to parenting our little-big kids, Mouse’s wonderful teacher has been known to say “The days can pass so slowly, but the years really do fly by”.
How true that is.
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