Bloggin' On The Road

I generally can’t read in the car without wanting to vomit after 5 minutes, but we’ll see if I can write and not destroy my keyboard. (Notes from the road trip)

Hour 1:

At 4:15 am, Hubster and I were up to finish getting ready for the big trip north. (Note to would be burglers - we have a big dog who likes to eat fresh meat, and neighbours who will shoot first and ask questions ... um, never). In the past, we’ve left at the buttcrack of dawn, put the kids in the car in their pj’s and they sleep for a couple of hours while we motor through the sunrise before we stop for breakfast and hey! We’re half way there!

This time… it did not go as planned. Baboo woke up soaked, which required a change of clothes and instead of being half asleep, she was mostly awake and not happy about it. Mouse woke up bouncing in bed with excitement. Clearly, no one intended to sleep.

An appropriate theme song for this morning is Ralph’s “M-o-m-m-y needs c-o-f-f-e-e”. Oy. We tried to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a much needed coffee before getting on the highway, but they didn’t open until 6. Even though the guy on the phone last night said they opened at 5.

It’s now 6:30 am. We’ve been on the road an hour. ONE. HOUR.

We’ve had 72 “are we there yet”s, 2 requests for potty breaks, 1 “I’m ready to go home”. We’ve had 2 “I’m hungry”s. We’ve had NO coffee. (Curse you Dunkin Donuts!) We nearly had 4 meltdowns.

ONE HOUR. Of an 8 hour drive WITHOUT breaks. We were thinking it would be about a 9-10 hour drive with breaks, but now, if the rest of the drive is anything like the first hour, we’re doomed. We may not arrive. Or maybe, not ALL of us will arrive.

So we stopped after one hour at a McDonald’s. It was not our plan, but before someone lost it, it was wise. We pottied, had breakfast and admired an enormous pink plush unicorn that Mouse INSISTED was the perfect item to bring on vacation - if we bought a trailer to carry it. Both girls could have sat on it with room to spare. Ridiculous.

Hours 2-4:

Then, we got back on the road WITH the portable DVD on (I caved soooo early in the game) and they lasted a bit longer for the second stretch. Baboo slept and Mouse watched some of her videos.

I usually plan to save the movies for when they’ve really had enough. This time, “I” had had enough. The thing is, I had a box of snacks/activities/toys – things to entice and entertain them for HOURS – NEW movies, NEW games, NEW colouring books. Travel Bingo, people. No reading required. How fun is that? Apparently not very, judging by my girls’ lackluster responses. They are not impressed and were barely entertained for more than 5 minutes by ANY of my carefully thought out plans and purchases.

Hour 6:

Side note: I did long car trips with my family EVERY summer. How did we do it without tv? I feel like a total cop-out.

However, that doesn’t stop them from asking for something new to do every 7 minutes. Or to eat. Or to ask to see the map. Or to get the crayon/toy/game that fell on the floor. I’m sure that all the contortionist twisting I’ve done counts as yoga. Unbalanced yoga. And while the seat covers may seem nice and smooth, when you’ve got an eczema rash under your arm and you keep rubbing up against the cover, it really isn’t as smooth as it seems. It feels like sandpaper.

Hour 7:

Now we’re about 2 hours away from our destination, we’re hoping that a rest stop was the last break we need. We let the kids run around outside after a bathroom break in a somewhat questionably clean bathroom. Ok, so maybe we MADE them run around. It was beautiful out and there was grass and trees and grasshoppers. We told them to touch every tree and catch a grasshopper. We killed 15 good minutes that way.

We’ve got the tv on, AGAIN, with a LONG movie and though everyone’s feeling a bit frazzled, we’re almost there. And I understand that every minute feels like an hour, especially when you’re 5, but if I hear “Are we there yet” one more time, I may just eat a piece of that red licorice that I’m very allergic to and ask Hubster to just dump me on the side of the road and leave me to die so I can rot away like the 70-odd roadkill raccoons we’ve seen along the highway.

Hour 9:
We arrive. Everyone is in tact. The girls are giddy with excitement at being with Grandma and Grandpa and Hubster and I are ready to collapse from mental anguish and exhaustion.

It feels a bit surreal to be back in our home town, where everything is so familiar and generally unchanged. As we're driving through town, I'm pointing out to the girls where we used to live/work/go to school etc. It feels like a whole life time ago.

And so begins this summer's vacation!

End note: I did NOT vomit on the keyboard, in fact I felt fine. Does this mean I get to get a netbook so I can write while in transit?! Oh, think of the possibilities! Whoo! Too bad I'm too damn tired to think that hard. At least not today.