Transition Phase

It’s been a long 2 weeks here. Last week, both girls were sick with the stomach bug. ALLLL week. We had a very brief respite over the weekend before we had 103 fevers and coughs arrive this week. Throw in 3 visits to the clinic and a “well visit” with the doctor (ha!) that includes a referral to a growth specialist for our teeny girl and we’ve seen more than our fair share of medical staff lately.

We’re dosed in antibiotics, fluids, and prednisone. The house has been disinfected from top to bottom. And my mother would be proud, I even did the most hated of all jobs – I cleaned the blinds. It’s done and I still hate it.

It’s been an off two weeks for us and Mouse has missed almost all of the last 2 weeks of school. She is a girl who needs time to process and a girl who needs closure. Unfortunately, all of that has been cut short. Tomorrow is her last day of school and fortunately, she will be well enough to go. She will get the chance to say good bye to her teacher and class mates, though I suspect that though she might be ok, next week will bring fall out.

Tomorrow, is also Mouse’s birthday. My first baby will be 5. Officially a big kid. We’re all having mixed feelings about it.

We’ve had a few nights of tears with our little Mouse. On top of being sick and tired and tired of being sick, she’s transitioning in so many ways right now and it’s overwhelming her. She’s finishing her first year of school and is already grieving what “was”. She’s already missing her friends, her teacher and her routine. She’s about to have a big birthday.

Tonight she sobbed when I said “I need to kiss you for the last time that you are 4!”. She said she was going to miss being 4. She wants to be 5, and have the party and the fun but will miss all that being 4 brought. She sobbed “I don’t want to change – I don’t know what’s going to happen”. And I held her and tried not to cry too.

I sooo understand this. I know this exact feeling. I felt it every year as a kid. I would feel like I just started to “get” being whatever age I was and then I’d change. I remember crying on my first day of grade 6, just overwhelmed at the thought of “growing up”. I didn’t feel ready for that, but it came anyway. And for the most part things turned out ok. And I told her this.

She worried tonight about missing me if I went away or died. And we talked about that too. It’s like she’s suddenly 5 and can see her whole life in front of her and it’s always changing, always a bit unstable. And that scares her a bit.


I feel like my role as a mother is changing for her. No longer does she need all of the intensive hands on intervention that Baboo at 2 needs. I give her more space, encourage her independence , push her a little farther out of the nest while shouting “Fly! Fly!”. But it’s hard. A part of me wants to keep her my little baby and never let her go and a part of her wants to stay there too.


So tomorrow, Mouse will be 5. She will celebrate her big day pretty quietly with just us and Hubster’s folks came in to surprise her today. We’ll finish up our school year and get ready for her party on Saturday – a tea party gala with princess-y overtones. It should be fun . She’s excited and I hope it’s a fun way to break into being 5.

And then, next week, we’ll probably have some fall out as we all come crashing back to earth and recover from the crazy last few weeks. I foresee a lot of quiet time, cuddles and one on one. And I’ve cleared my schedule and my mind to do exactly that. I think we’re all going to need it.