Piano Torture

(*Warning! Vent ahead!)

Mouse has been taking piano lessons once a week with a wonderful teacher since September. Initially she started out fine. Willing to learn, bursting with confidence, loving every class and being excited to practice. She was learning quickly and I knew she would.

However, since around Christmas time, things have changed. Yes, the music has gotten a bit harder, but not extremely so. Mouse now second guesses every single note, even the ones she KNOWS. She plays the “dumb girl” (which I hate saying – but it’s true). She’s tilts her head to the side, raises her shoulders and says with her best Valley Girl voice “Oh. Um, I um, think that um, that it’s, um… an um… D??” She wants me to say “yes, that’s right” to every single note she plays. However, she WILL NOT allow me to use my finger to help her follow the music on the page. She screams at me in that 5-going-on-13 voice that she can do it herself! Practice has become a form of torture for both of us. I end up beyond frustrated and nearly furious. She ends up miserable. It’s not a good place to be.

We talked over Christmas break and I asked her if she really LIKED piano lessons or if she was just taking lessons because she thought that’s what I wanted her to do and she adamantly said she loved them. When I suggested that we take a break from classes and start them again next year when she was a bit older, I was met with an enormous tantrum and a storm of tears. I explained that learning to read music and play the piano wasn’t something she could just go to class once a week and learn. She needed to practice in between lessons, daily in fact, even if just a little bit. I try to get her to practice for just 5 minutes a day and we both end up nearly in tears.

We’ve tried practicing at different times of the day, but to be honest, we both dread the 5-15 minutes and I think we avoid it, even unintentionally at times and so some weeks she only practices once or twice. But it embarrasses me when we go to her lessons and she’s barely practiced. I feel like a bad Mom for not encouraging her better. But Mouse doesn’t care and generally does fine at her lesson.
She’s 5, almost 6 and I know she’s young. But she’s smart. And I’m torn. I hate seeing a self-depreciating behavior in her already. When I see her doing the “dumb girl” act it’s all I can do not to yell “You are SMART and you can DO this!”, but I know that won’t help to build her confidence.

I see myself in her right now and it makes me sad and mad. I want her to feel confident enough to take a risk and learn something new, to practice and try at ANYTHING even if she doesn’t get it perfect. I want her to be more than I was; to be brave enough to ALLOW herself to have more opportunities and take chances. I don’t want her to miss out because she’s too self conscious to try, too embarrassed to make mistakes, like I was and to a much lesser degree still am.

It’s very important to me that the girls learn how to read music. I don’t care what instrument they play, but I think learning to read music is a very important skill. I’m worried that I’m trying to start her too early and am squashing any genuine desire she might have to do this. We chose piano because we had one and we could find a teacher that she really liked, and well, she seemed interested in learning.

I’ve spoken with her teacher quite a bit about this and she feels like Mouse is doing well and to not be worried. She can tell that she’s bright and is catching on, and that Mouse adores her. Mrs. H is awesome apparently.

But I hate feeling mean and walking away from her practices feeling like I need a drink because I’m so worked up. I hate feeling like I’m just making matters worse. I hate that she looks so sad when we’re done because it’s like she’s failed to “please me”. I want her to have fun and to enjoy learning but I know it’s not something I can force.

I guess I need to think some more about this and decide what to do. Sigh.