Left of Crummy

I was sitting on the couch last night watching tv and doing some Christmas cards when suddenly I felt a sore throat coming on. Yes, suddenly. I was fine ALL day and all evening until about 8:45. I immediately took some homeopathic remedy and some vitamin C and started guzzling water. I took a couple of Tylenol when I went to bed and that helped me sleep until the girls woke me up (and again they all ended up in our bed) and I realized I wasn’t really feeling that great. So I don’t feel horrible, but certainly not well. Just left of crummy. I hope I can fight this because we’re supposed to be hosting the board meeting here on Tuesday night. I can just picture me saying “Coffee? Tea? Do you want a cold with that?” Sigh. I suspect that Baboo is also getting sick as when I watch her swallow she looks like I feel.

ANYWAY… we woke up this morning to SNOW, our first of the season. There has been much dancing and yelling and running around to all the windows to see what the snow looks like from a different vantage point. We have, oh, maybe ½ an inch. However! We will be donning warm clothes (lots of them apparently), snow suits and boots to go and play outside. It’s 8:10 a.m. and judging by how fast Mouse is getting ready, we’re going to be dressed, fed and outside by about 8:23. I’m sure that’s some kind of record for her as she’s not known for being overly speedy in the morning.

Added to say: Mouse has just come back from a "mission" to get the snow covered paper from the end of the driveway. She walked in her boots like she was walking on the moon. Very slowly and deliberately lifting each foot. She touched the snow in several places before lugging the heavy, Sunday slippery-plastic-covered tube back to the door. She has proclaimed the snow "very thick".

Gulp!

Since I really didn’t “look” into this blog thing too much before jumping in, (I guess I thought I was an “expert” because I READ so many blogs – ahahah! Uh not), today I decided to look at how to put advertisements on my site to see if I can generate some income. I started to register for Google’s AdSense but decided to check out some other options. I’ve noticed that many of the blogger’s I read use BlogHer. I know about BlogHer and have read the blogs of people who have BEEN to the BlogHer conference. It seems exciting and intriguing and WOW what a great thing. BUT… gulp. So many great blogs! So many wonderful writers! I look into the BlogHerAds and start to panic! My nagging inner nay-sayer who thrives on my generous sense of self-doubt starts to take over my brain. “You don’t belong! You can’t do this! What were you THINKING!? You have no idea what you are doing… look at the talent these people have! Do you honestly think you’ll make it – that you could possibly fit in?"

Part of me is relieved to see that BlogHerAds isn’t accepting any new applications for ads right now.

I abandon this ad research project because for the moment I’m feeling overwhelmed, a bit discouraged and way, WAY out of my league. I’m picturing the scene in Finding Nemo where Dory and Marlin are discussing what whales eat and Dory says “Whales eat krill and I don’t see any krill”. Then a bunch of krill swim by, fleeing for their lives yelling “SWIM AWAY! SWIM AWAY!” and Dory says “Hey look! Krill!”. I had one of those SWIM AWAY moments right then. This is my usual response to moments of uncertainty.

Hubster has taken Mouse to the movies today, so it’s just Baboo and I hanging out for the morning. We went for a walk to the pond to see if there were any ducks; and there were. They were, quite literally, ON the duck pond because it’s mostly frozen over. We fed them some stale crackers, nearly got accosted by starving, frozen ducks, watched them skate around for a bit on the ice, talked about all the dogs we saw and heard, then VERRRYYY slowly made our way home.

The fresh, crisp air and bright sunshine has calmed my panic a bit and renewed my spirit. I’m feeling like I can figure this blog thing out – though I will likely make some mistakes. I’m ready to take a chance and see where this leads. It might work or it might not and though the thought of failure brings me to a kind of seizure, I decide to keep forging ahead any way. I know I have a good network of knowledgeable people to ask for guidance and hopefully I won’t drive them crazy by asking for help. I also feel inspired to follow up on another potential income opportunity I have been thinking about. (Did I mention I’m a good thinker and planner but really SUCK at following through?)

Next up … my list of things to “accomplish” before Christmas! (Which is only 25 days away!)

Brownie Points for the Hubster

Maybe it’s because Hubster knows I’ve started a blog and wants to me to have POSITIVE things for me to write about in reference to him, but yesterday and today he has been pretty helpful. Not that he’s not generally helpful, but for him to do things unasked is well, unusual.
Yesterday, he knew I was sick and he let me rest for the day. He kept the girls busy, fed them lunch and helped with the cleaning up after dinner. He even picked the meat off the turkey bones for me, which is a job he usually despises.

Today, he brought the soup stock in from the garage – unasked AND when he came downstairs after getting dressed, he took the slip cover off the couch and cushions for me because I’d said at breakfast that I’d wanted to wash them today. All without me having to ask! I think I stood in the kitchen with my mouth hanging open for a while.

When I went upstairs to get dressed and generally tidy up, I walked into our bedroom to find the bed made. Another stunner. Talk about a bonus day.

However, when I walked into the closet there were clothes everywhere and dirty socks balled up on the floor.

Ah well. Close enough.

Pancakes! Now with 100% more candy!

This morning was a “family bed” rerun. At sometime in the night, Mouse brought her bear and water cup down and climbed onto Hubsters’s side of the bed. I only knew this because I woke up at some point and wondered why I could hear another person “breathing” and realized that Hubby was closer to me which means that daughter #1 has joined us. I fall back asleep to be awoken at 6 am by Baboo screaming from her crib “MAMA! MAMA!” (Followed by the little tinkling electronic sound of the Leap Frog Frog-thing being turned on and hearing the Frog’s voice saying “This is the story of”… followed by my much deeper voice saying “Mouse’s" Name. There’s something disturbing about that.) I go and bring Baboo into our bed. We’re all snuggled rather uncomfortably into the bed. Hubster decides after about 15 minutes he’s had enough and gets up. Baboo wiggles around and starts to say “I go bump bump down stairs, Mama. Go watch Geor-tch”. It’s officially 6:23. WAYYYY to early for a holiday morning. I’m sure that’s some sort of crime. Mouse is still snoring soundly.

We watch a bit of Curious George (thank you PBS marathon) and I decide to treat the family to breakfast. Pancakes! Bacon! WHOO! But wait…. My children are NOT breakfast eaters. Most mornings are a challenge that make me want to claw my eyeballs out. However, I figure, why not entice them with chocolate chip happy faces in their multigrain pancakes (I’m all about BALANCE, right?) As I’m opening the cupboard for vanilla, I see heart shape sprinkles. Hell, why not!? So, it’s chocolate chip happy face pancakes with a heart shaped sprinkle nose. Aren’t I “sweet”?

The kids pick out the chocolate chips, munch on ½ a slice of bacon, lick syrup off their fingers and Hubster pouts because I don’t make HIM a chocolate chip happy face pancake with a heart sprinkle nose.

A great start to the day.

Snapshots of Thanksgiving

After being told that she was too young to watch the Kungfu Panda movie, Mouse decided to throw a bit of a tantrum (further evidence that she’s too young) yelling “I WANNA WATCH HORSE SHOE PANDA”.

I was feeling a bit under the weather today and so I went to lie down for a while. The Hubster decided to take the girls outside as it was sunny and lovely out and they were bursting with little girl energy. From my cozy cocoon in my recently redecorated bedroom, the warm sun shining through the blind (and my back being nicely toasted by my heating pad) I hear the girls delighted giggles and shrieks as Daddy chases them around the yard.

We generally have a quiet Thanksgiving with just us 4 and this year was no different. After I got up from a rest to check on the turkey, my Dad (from Canada) called to wish us Happy Thanksgiving and just talking to him for a few minutes made me feel so thankful that he’s my Dad.

Yesterday, Mouse and I made pumpkin pie. Into a bowl, we carefully plopped canned pumpkin and smashed eggs (then picked out shells), poured evaporated milk and measured spices (sort of) and sloshed it all over the counter before pouring it into a premade pie shell. Yesterdays’ messy memories became today’s delicious pie. I love me some pumpkin pie. The girls however, would have none of the pie and ate 4 bowls of whipped cream each.

Dinner’s on the table, Mouse helped me “make the table nice” with a table cloth and napkins and my grandmother’s silver. Baboo is in her seat and saying loudly “I WAIT” because she knows to wait for all of us to sit down. We’re gathered around and Mouse, unprompted, says “I think we should say thank you to Mommy for this yummy dinner” and I gratefully receive the thanks and respond almost tearily by saying “I’m so glad to have you to cook for”. Hubster says “I’m thankful we’re all here and are family” and Baboo lifts up her little glass of sparkling berry juice and yells “CHEERS”. We clink glasses several times and start to dig into our thanksgiving feast then comes the “Where’s the ketchup?” question. Oy.

The food was delicious, and I’m grateful to have been feeling better to enjoy it. The kids barely ate anything, but well, that’s all par for the course these days.

I harken back to last year’s Thanksgiving that involved a rushed dinner, 2 screaming kids and 2 frazzled parents followed by 3 days of 4 people puking. I’m grateful we’re not having that kind of Thanksgiving today.

The turkey is carved and put away. The potatoes, veggies and stuffing are tucked into their little plastic containers and the pie and leftover whipped cream are carefully covered all for tomorrows yummy leftover creations. The carcass is in the stock pot simmering away for soup and I’m at the point where I’m beyond smelling turkey. My house positively reeks of Thanksgiving.

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Oh the Pressure!

Oh the pressure! I’m creating my first ever blog post! I’m jumping into the blog-ocean and hoping I don’t become “krill” and get swallowed by the blog whales.

*interrupted by children for “More fishie crackers, please! More cra-ca’s mama, pease! More GEORGE!” I’m buying the children off with Curious George and fish crackers so I can write this while I still have the guts and brain cells to do so. Sue me. *

Yes – I’m one of “those”… a Mom. And now, maybe “Mommy blogger”. I’m a stay at home Mom of 2 wonderful, precocious, intelligent girls. For the last 14 years I’ve been married to a wonderful man whom I’ve had the honor of growing into adulthood with. (that’s fancy speak for “we married young”). I’m a waffler, a worrier, often a self nay-sayer, a thinker, a researcher and did I mention worrier? It takes me a long time to figure out where I need to be most of the time, but sometimes my hyperactive intuition kicks in and sends me into orbit with a weird twist which I KNOW in the pit of my stomach is the right thing to do.

So, why am I writing? Well, honestly, yesterday in a fit of premenstrual semi-organizational “figure out the universe and try to squeeze in a family Y membership into the budget” frenzy, I sat down and looked at our budget then realized – uh, what budget? I suck at budgeting. I suck at a lot of stuff. I’m good at stuff too – like, um, yeah, stuff. Anyway, peering carefully at the finances I realized that no, we cannot afford the Y membership this year and what can I do about it? I spent some time looking on the good ole’ Internet, reading through the “work from home scams” – of which there are many - trying to find a way to make some extra money which leads me to feeling moderately frustrated and depressed about my employable qualifications.

I know, this still doesn’t answer why I’m writing – stick with me though.

This morning, I fire up the laptop and start checking my email and catching up on some of my favorite blogs, all the while, still pondering the “What can I DO” question. I spend quite a bit of time READING blogs – some really excellent blogs written by some witty, creative, intelligent people. I’ve encouraged some wonderful friends to start blogs because I think they are brilliant and should share themselves’ with the world. After a cup of coffee, I start to think “hey! I should write a blog!” but quickly dismiss the thought by turning on my “you’re just ordinary – what could you write about?” internal dialogue. (This internal dialogue is prolific and LOUD – we battle daily). After my second cup of coffee, I think – "well, I’m not really plain ole’ ordinary, I’m kind of...left of ordinary. My life is generally ordinary, but sometimes extraordinary things happen – and I like to think that I think a little differently. Sort of middle ground with a twist. I’m kind of interesting, kind of funny, kind of – well, left of ordinary." Why left? I don’t know – maybe I was holding my coffee in my left hand at the time. I felt – leftish.

As the day progresses I'm thinking about all the things I "could" write about when it dawns on me that - HEY, maybe someone else thinks this too. Sometimes it helps to know you’re not the only one struggling upstream. Maybe THIS is something I could "DO".

So, where do I want this to go? I’m not sure yet. My internal struggle this past year in particular has been trying to find balance. Finding a balance between being a mom/wife and woman, finding a balance within our family, finding a balance financially – what to do we need and what helps us feel fulfilled, health & fitness and reasonable indulgence, paper or plastic, cloth or disposables, insanely tidy and disastrously messy, finding work and staying at home, public kindergarten or excellent cooperative kindergarten or homeschool. I struggle to find that elusive balance between that nagging worrier of an inner voice and trusting my gut feeling. I know I’m not the only person, especially Mom/parent/woman, who struggles with this. In my mind I know it’s time for me to be proactive about working on this balance and maybe having a place to think outloud (to speak figuratively), solicit help, advice and camaraderie might help me along. And maybe even help someone else along.

I'm generally not a risk taker, I'm certainly not a professional writer (but I want to play one on tv one day... ha), and despite my reservations about starting, this my gut (and my super supportive family) is telling me to take a chance and see where this leads.

My oldest just ran by to get some paper from the craft "pit"; sparkly Christmas dress swirling and princess heels clicking and on her way back to the kitchen table for the nightly pre-dinner craft-a-thon, she paused to give me a hug and a thumbs up sign. My youngest is squirming around on the floor like a worm growling and the hubster just walked in the door from work. Now to make dinner! Leftovers anyone? Ah yes, my life, just a little left of ordinary.