More Funnies From the Kids

As I seem incapable of finding time to write anything useful these days, allow me to further record funny things said by my children:

Driving in the car to school:
Mouse: Mom, I’m going to be in Grade 1 after I’m done in Kindergarten, right?
Me: Yup. In August, you’ll start at your new school in Grade 1.
Baboo: I’m going to Grade 1 too!
Mouse: No, Baboo, you’re going to be in Polliwogs with Mommy next year.
Baboo: Mom! You hear that!? I’m going to be a Probly-wog!

At the dinner table last night:
Hubster and I are talking about something relatively mundane when Baboo interrupts and states, rather loudly:
Baboo: Cowboys wear BOOTS!
Mouse: Yup.
Baboo: BIG boots.
Mouse: And cowgirls wear high heels.

Swimming Butterflies

It’s been HOT here, as in 85 F today. We had sweaters and jeans on this morning on our way out the door to school and were stripping down to bathing suits to stew in the kiddie pool in the backyard by noon.

The girls decided to have a “beach party” in the back yard after lunch, so we filled the pool, opened the sandbox and set up the beach umbrellas and laid towels on the lawn. We invited our neighbors over to enjoy the fun.

At one point, Mouse came running to me yelling “Mom! I RESCUED a butterfly from the POOL!”. As soon as I saw her tightly closed, dripping fist, I knew it wasn’t so much a rescue as a recovery. She opened her fingers to show me a little gray moth, sopping wet and not moving. She tried to get it to fly away, but well, it wasn’t really going anywhere. She flicked her hand and kind of plopped on the deck. My neighbor and I watched it, wondering what to say. Mouse said “It’ll dry out and then be ok” and since we didn’t really want to get into a indepth “death” conversation over a moth in 85F weather, we agreed that that just *might* be a possibility, as she skipped back to the pool.

Baboo wandered over to hover over the moth for a while. She noted that it was not moving. My friend, trying to smooth things over said “Well, butterflies aren’t very good swimmers. They should probably stay out of the pool.”

Baboo stood up like she had the answer from the universe, put her hands on her little bathing suit clad hips and said “She just needs to get her BATHING suit on and THEN she’ll be able to swim. Silly butterfly trying to swim without a bathing suit on!” and then proceeded to show us how a butterfly would flap her wings and swim at the same time.

Feeling very proud of herself, she also skipped off to join the other girls at the pool.

My neighbor looked at me with wide eyes and asked if Baboo really said that and then proceeded to keel over laughing.

More Words of Widsom from Baboo

Last night, shortly after I put Baboo to bed, I heard her in the bathroom upstairs. Suspecting she needed some help with the potty, I went upstairs to check on her. She had taken her pajama bottoms and pull up off and was sitting on the potty in the bathroom.

Baboo: Mommy. I just goin’ potty.
Me: Ok. Do you need some help?
Baboo: (grunting). Noooo.
Me: Do you need to go poop?
Baboo: I think so. (grunting and pushing).
Me: Well, you did go poop earlier today. Is there more?
Baboo: I think so. I need more power! (pushing harder)
Me: What?!
Baboo: Mommy, put me on the toilet so I can have more power!
Me: (putting her on the toilet). Ooook.
Baboo: Mommy! Where’s my power?
Me (power? Power?)… Uh… Oh, like when you farted earlier on the toilet and the poop came out?
Baboo: YEAH! That! Where my POWER?!
Me: Um, well… maybe you used it all up earlier.
Baboo: Sigh. Ok. I guess I get more power tomorrow.
Me: Thanks for the warning.

(if you hear a loud explosion over our house tomorrow, you know it’s just Baboo and she’s found her “power”).

We were driving in the car on the way to gymnastics today and discussing going to the doctor and who needs to go for check-ups.

Mouse: Mommy, YOU have to go to the doctor for a checkup. Just like ME.
Baboo: Yeah! I need a hiccup too!
Mouse: You don’t have the hiccups!
Baboo: Yes, I need hiccups too. And Daddy goes to the doctor to get hiccups too! We ALL need to get hiccups.
Me: (trying to drive while laughing…)
Mouse: Baaaabooo! Not HICCUPS, CHECK-UPS!
Baboo: That’s what I SAID… hiccups.

Smack down

So tonight, the girls are sitting at the little table in the kitchen, that I've yet to move back to the playroom after the party last weekend (and maybe I won't as they seem to enjoy it so much... but uh, I'm sidetracking myself)... and having a snack before bed.

They're chatting and kind of playing around and I'm not really paying too much attention. That is, until I hear:

Mouse: Baboo, let's play a game.

Baboo: OK! I like games!

Mouse: It's called Spider Smacker. You be the spider and I'll be the smacker! Put your hand out on the table and pretend to be a spider. And then I'll SMACK you!

Baboo: Uh.... I dwink my miwk. (slurp, slurp her milk)

Fortunately, there's no follow up smacking sounds or crying for that matter. I'm hoping it was Baboo's self-preservation instinct that kicked in and stopped her from getting whacked and not just an misunderstanding of the game.

After I stopped silently laughing behind the counter with tears running down my face, I reminded Mouse that hitting of ANY kind is not allowed. Not even disguised as a game. Oy.

I guess this is a reflection of what we do to spiders in the house around here. Sorry, Becprints. I know one day karma will turn me into the bug headed for the windshield.

The Follow Up Playdate

So, the play date went well yesterday and believe it or not, we did just about finish the quilt. I'm picking it up today to finish it up. Mum, I'm never letting you look at this up close. I'll hold it up about oh, 1/2 a mile away and you can look at it. It's ok, but well, let's just say we're not professionals or even amatures. Hmm. yeah.

Anyway... Baboo did really well yesterday. She didn't destroy anything or stink us out of the house.

On the way over, I said to Mouse that she was NOT going to take all of the toys out at once and that if she played with something she was going to put it away before she got something else out. She agreed and said she understood.

Shortly after we arrived, my friend went to check on the girls who started playing right away and said pretty much the exact same thing, emphasizing that the toys not be left all over the floor. I guess there were so many toys on the floor the other day that a few things got broken because the kids stepped on them.

I said quietly to my friend "You know, Mouse is going to get you on that floor technicality".

So the big girls got involved playing "mermaids" which involved a lot of flopping around on the floor, rescuing eachother and piling of "treasures" aka toys on the mini-trampoline (which Baboo found so tasty last time).

So, it's after lunch and we check on the girls. There is a MOUNTAIN of toys; horses, stuffed toys, play food, pieces of paper, balloons, blankets and pillows on the trampoline. My friend goes down to her daughter's bedroom where the girls are now playing. She walks in and Mouse says "Look how clean it is in here!" My friend says "Yes, but ALL the toys are on the trampoline in the living room". To which Mouse replies "But, they're not on the floor! The floor is nice and clean. Just like you asked us to do".

Hmmm. Can't really argue with that. I think my friend's mouth dropped open a little. When she came and told me what Mouse had said, I reminded her that I did warn her that Mouse would be very specific about her directions, she's a rule follower to the "T".

For the record, we did stay and help put the house and room back to rights before we left and the girls definitely did their share.

It's still pretty funny, though.

Crash Landing Into Real Life

We’ve come back into real life with a bit of a crash landing, as we usually do after a vacation. It’s always a shock to come back after being somewhere else to find that our lives are just as they are before we left. It’s a slap in the face to be honest. And while it was great to be away and we really did have a good time, it is good to be home too. Slap in the face ‘n all.

No real Trouble Spot Tuesday post – AGAIN – as right now my whole life is a bit of a trouble spot as we get back into gear here. So, um, clean out a drawer or HEY… did you know that you should clean the lint vent on your dryer? Not just the screen, but the pipe going to your dryer vent. Yeah, clean that out. Good luck with that. See ya next week. (I did this recently and it took me an HOUR. Nasty).

So, today I had my first “therapy” session and it was as stereotypical as I thought it would be. Several times I almost laughed out loud at the stereotypical-ness of it. Sitting on the couch, pouring out my guts, having the therapist nod and say “hmmm. Interesting” while scratching secret codes about my sanity onto my hastily filled out forms. However, I do like him and will see how things go over the next few sessions. I suppose, if nothing else, I’m happy to burden someone else with my troubles for a while. I do feel as though I’m being proactive about this and truly, this is the time to do this as I have a prairie sized view full of time in front of me with no moves/job changes/babies/earth-shattering-life-changes in the foreseeable future. Much different than the last, say, 6 years of my life. No wonder I feel so fucked up.

After we got home, I was understandably drained. I convinced the girls to play “nap” which involved me lying on the bed while they bounced around me and tried not to land on my head. In general, it was not very restful but it was certainly entertaining. Mouse popped around me like piece of popcorn in a hot pan, talking constantly about ALL the things SHE did to personally make my bedroom so wonderful for me. And Baboo popped around right behind her trying to mimic everything she said.

Mouse: (bouncing around my head) And Mommy, you see those pictures on your wall? I MADE them. I PAINTED them and then I MADE the frames. Yeah, I used some glue and wood and made it like a RECTANGLE and put the pretty pictures in there. Yeah, I did that all by myself.

Baboo: (Bounce, Bounce.)Mommy! Gwue. Paint, paint! ME!

Mouse: (bouncing on my back) And see that dresser over there? Yeah, I made that too. I needed a lot of wood and a HAMMER and then I put ALL those knobs on. There’s a lot of knobs. And the mirror? It’s GLASS! But I used paper too because glass is sharp. I made that for YOU!

Baboo: (Bounce, bounce) Mommy! Gwass! Ouch! No touch! Me!

Mouse: (bouncing on my legs) And you know those pillows with all the colours on them? I took a whole bunch of thread and I swirled it around and then I took my sewing machine and SMOOOOTHED it out and then I glued the pillows together to make it REALLY nice for you, Mom.

Baboo: (Bounce, bounce)… WHEEE PIW-OWS! (launching herself at my head).

Stinky Snow Day

We’re buried in snow today, like at least 8-10 inches of snow and it’s still coming down. School is cancelled just about everywhere and in a way I’m glad. We need a down day here to just chill out, play outside and go sledding, do more “crafts” and play and then follow it all up with some fresh baked cookies we made yesterday and hot chocolate. I’m hoping to get some tidying up and packing done today.

As we were taking our time getting it together this morning, my idyllic snow day bubble burst as the girls started with the knock-knock jokes. Or what they call knock-knock jokes only because they all start with knock-knock.

M: Mommy! Knock-knock (rapping knuckles on my shoulder)
Me: Who’s there?
M: (look around frantically for something to say)… Glasses
Me: Glasses who?
M: Glasses stinky!! (Insert hilarious laughter here)

Repeat with other smaller daughter…. Because I really need to hear the same joke twice.
Follow with several other ridiculous jokes all with a xyz-stinky/tootie/poopie punch line. Oy.

Mouse’s teacher did warn us that this is the age for potty talk and let me tell ya, we’re getting some serious potty talk around here. Poopie, tootie, fart, fake burping, peepee, butts, BOOGERS… it’s all VERRRRRYYY funny these days. And repeated … often. OY.

And it’s only 8:15 am. Thank goodness for lots of coffee. I think I’m going to need it today.

Now, I’m off to go and shovel the driveway. Again. Yay. Snow day! (groan)

Ego Boosting

While the kids ate dinner, I went to change my sweater before heading out to a board meeting tonight as it was covered in "schmutz" from my day with 2 small children, taco soup and ketchup. (It didn't stand a chance). I put on the only other mostly clean, nice enough for a meeting but not too fancy sweater I had in the closet.

Every thing else about my outfit; jeans, slippers, smudgey glasses and tangled,unbrushed hair wrangled back into a hair clip is exactly as it has been all day.

I'm wiping up Baboo and picking pieces of sacrified hotdog off the floor when Mouse says to me "Mom, why are so you beautiful?".

Well... uh, why indeed.

Chicken or the Egg?

As I’m driving Mouse to school this morning, a mourning dove startled from the median at a stop sign and flew over the car. Mouse yelled, “Mom! A “morning” dove. It’s out because it’s morning”. Well, I didn’t really correct her because well, I wasn’t sure how to explain the concept of “mourning” before 9 am to a 4 year old.

What followed was a discussion about birds. Mouse said, mourning doves are birds and birds lay eggs. And the proceeded to list a bunch of birds and proclaim their egg laying abilities and how little baby birdies hatch out of eggs.

Baboo suddenly started yelling “AH! EAT, EAT! EAT, EAT! Birdies! EGGS!” It took me a minute, as it usually does, to figure out that she connected that birds lay eggs and that we eat eggs. So I said “Yes, we do eat the eggs from some birds. Like chickens.”

Mouse started laughing and said “Chickens??” while, Baboo said “OH NO!”. So explained that, yes, the eggs we buy in the store and use to cook with are from chickens. (insert Baboo clucking here)

When I looked at Mouse’s face in the rear view mirror, I saw the start of a look of horror on her face, so I quickly explained that not all eggs have baby birds in them and only the ones with no babies in them are the ones that we eat.

Then Baboo says “I hungry. I want eggs”.

Hmmm… I might have the making of a vegetarian and a disturbing carnivore on my hands. Though I know I’ve mentioned it before, I didn’t have the heart to reiterate that when we EAT chicken, it’s REALLY a chicken. Oy. I’ll save that bombshell for another day.

Some days I’m surprised at the real world connections that Baboo makes that Mouse is really only just starting to get. I guess a part of me is happy that she’s still innocent, but another part of me thinks I’ve overprotected her and should have helped her to make these connections.

Another Baboo “connection”: lately we’ve been singing quite a bit. Baboo loves music and sings a lot. I always sing to the girls a song of their choice at bed time and they almost always choose Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star or ABCs. Yesterday, I was getting Baboo dressed, she was telling me that the night before we sang both songs. After a minute or two, she got a surprised look on her face and sat up on the change table. She yelled with hands out for emphasis 3 inches from my face, “Mommy! Twinkle,Twinkle and ABC same! SAME!” and sang a piece of both to get her point across. I was stunned for a minute and then confirmed to her that yes, they have the same music, just different words. With a smug little smile, she laid back down so I could finish getting her dressed saying quietly to herself, as though she’d figured out a big world mystery ;“Both same. Hahaha.”

Gotchyer Nose

We were outside playing in the snow for the second time today; trying out our new sleds (which are awesome and work much better than the placemats) and getting some fresh air. There’s no doubt that Mouse has Canada in her blood because she cannot get enough of playing the snow.

Baboo, who seems a bit out of sorts today, just wanted to swing in the blue rocket swing. I had to keep doing “blast off”, which involves holding the swing up, shaking it a bit (like a rocket getting ready to launch) and a countdown from 5 followed by a big push while yelling “BLAST OFF”. Anything less involved much whining and carrying on, but she DID NOT want to go inside.

So as she’s swinging, I’m trying to keep her happy in between pushing Mouse down the hill on the crazy carpet. I pretended to grab her nose with my mittens. What ensued was a fit of hysteria and screaming “GIVE.IT. BACK, MAMA!” Genuinely surprised, I said “What?!!” Baboo started crying “Put nose BACK! It’s MINE.”. So, as she swung back towards me, I carefully “put” her nose back. When I was done she said “Thank-um” (which is her version of thank you and you’re welcome combined, that whole 2 birds, 1 stone thing, I guess) and kept swinging happily.

Oops. Guess I didn’t need that extra nose.

Bubble Breath

Baboo was playing in the bathroom this morning while I was getting dressed. She walked over to me holding a bar of Dove soap very reverently in the palm of her hands. There are teeth marks on the side of the bar.

Baboo (very seriously): Mama, I eat, eat soap.

Me: Hmm. That wasn’t such a good idea. You know that you shouldn’t eat soap.

Baboo: I know. (smiling broadly, holding up soap and yelling) BUT I WIKE IT MAMA! IT TASTE GOOD!

At least she’s honest. Bleh.

Ear Bulbs

We were in Walmart the other day and Mouse suddenly stopped and pointed to a person wearing earmuffs. She said excitedly: Mom! Mom! THAT's what I NEED! "Ear bulbs". I could wear them and then I wouldn't be able to hear you! I think I'd like pink ones.

Um, I'm still not sure how to respond to that. Do I talk too much? Probably. Does she not want to listen to me? I'm not sure she's listening all that often anyway - so do we really need to make the problem worse by her donning fuzzy pink ear muffs so she can ignore me further or worse, yell back 3 inches from my face, "I can't hear you, MOM! I have my ear "bulbs" on!".